CLASSIC PRESS CUTTINGS

While searching for something came across this page on BBC Radio. Read the CLASSIC PRESS CUTTINGS section. Have a cheery day or night

Where is the inflation?

The prices of potatoes and onions may be rising but hey the MPs are coming cheap! I mean a mere crore to save a government? Its shocking I tell ya. Never have we sunk so low.
Now all we need to do is to include bribe rates in computing the rate of inflation. Its an essential commodity for most indians (for 'gifting'). These falling corruption rates will get the inflation rate down and generally create a feel good factor that might re-elect the government!

The future is advertising?

The future is advertising? Going by the almost universal demand on everything on internet being free,- just look at emails/chat etc, it stands to reason that ad supported free sites will only go on. Now there are paid sites that also use ads, and some of them pretty obtrusively too and they are tolerated. I foresee eventually every other site will have heavy ads. But lots of ads itself does not help much. What the advertisers will of course like, are ads that are effective. Ads that actually interest the viewer and here comes in the success of sites like Google and all that do a lot of data mining and come up with targeted ads based on certain well researched assumptions of the user interest.

Even non internet ads – especially those that rely on broadcast media do a lot of research based on the preferences of the target audience before deciding on the exact ad message. Recently there was a report in Guardian of UK that talked about neuro-research driven ads. Here the advertiser actually map a sample’s brain waves/cell conditions in response of specific types of ads and based on the ad that generates a more suitable mental reason, come up with the campaign.

In some distant or not so distant future once net connectivity is ubiquitous so that broadcast networks can actually have appliances in user homes which can feedback data and receive targeted content (esp. in case of ads). This is not far fetched since cable modems already have capability to feedback data to the service provider. Such a setup can have a sophisticated sensor that can actually sense the brainwaves from a distance. Or maybe there is a headset based system that may be able to capture brainwaves while projecting a 3 dimensional image of the programming directly onto the retina. What prevents us from then say putting an ad for a similar whiskey on the screen when the hero in that flick is swishing a stiff one and the viewer indicates a similar wish?

Interesting case would be when instead of a headset, there is just one device in the room and all see ads based on whichever person it focuses on. Imagine a set of conservative parents and some interestingly iconoclast adolescent sitting together and the unit latching onto some of the viewers randomly?

Or a case of a hall full of people with a large TV set (like in sports bar and all). Might be quite some fun to speculate who trigger that ahem ad!

Bistromathic

I've noticed a rather interesting lack of co-relation between cost and selling prices of stuff in our typical markets. Take the case of juice. One would assume that a firm selling packed normal juice will price it at some level, and the same firm takes normal juice, add some sugar to it and sells that too will price the 2nd one a bit higher due to added cost of sugar.
That is at a logical guy would think. However not so in practice dear. The leading juice brand prices the non-sugar version a lot higher.
Similarly if I buy normal plain white polished rice I assume it will have some price lower than the same rice, not polished and all. after all polishing u have to remove a part of each rice grain and few other things which cost time and money. So one fine day i decided that unpolished rice is healthier so I'll try that.
Now I'm a guy fond of good things in life and an used to buying top of line stuff. So I thought yippy, since I am now buying something that has lot less work being done on it, should be reducing my expenditure too. Healthy body and healthy bank balance.
At least that's what I thought. But this lousy rice costs more double than the exceedingly premium priced polished rice! Reminds me again of that "Bistromathematics. The most powerful computational force know to para-science." concept!
Indeed the guy was prescient. The price of goods in store depends not on costs but on perceived demographic. It seems in India, someone who want to eat healthy must be someone willing to live longer and hence must be stinking rich! So if you want just x- you have to pay more than to have x+y.
Soon I see the emergence of a new entrepreneur who buys polished rice, painstakingly colors each grain brown and sells it for only 50% markup. Color manufacturer happy, the entrepreneur happy, and I get to eat tastier rice!

Some Laws of nature

1. The moment you get to a song you really like, either the phone will ring or some urgent work land up.
2. Finish the work and replay the song and 1. will happen again
3. The most diligence demanding mail clarifications always land up on Friday around 5.
4. The only time in the day you'll open comic.com is the time the boss's boss decides to pay you a visit.
5. Come out of the door in undies to drop the trash and the auto lock on the door will mysteriously engage behind your bare back.
6. The moment that hot babe in the hangout joint look at you with a smile, it will turn to laughter as you slip on spilled coffee and then get up to realize the trouser seams are off.
7. Give a girl a fish and u feed her for a day.Teach her how to fish and she forms a worker's union
8. Traditional dress day is only celebrated in firms which have no employee hailing from some primitive tribe. (I wouldn't mind attending one in some Brazilian firm )
9. Hit delete by accident and it NEVER fails to execute successfully.
   

Reasons Reasons

Just heard about this job application where the dude mentions - I wanna search for a girlfriend in ur country as a reason for applying to the job.
Cool. Wonder how many such offbeat reasons can be quoted for applying.
Common ones I can think of it -

1. Commuting to this place is so much easier.
   
2. Ah my favorite eating place is right across the street from you
3. Mmmm the receptionist!

More esoteric ones could be

1. God spoke to me and told me to go forth and make common cause with "your firm"
2. Numerologically my name and yours just match
3. Boy you are an incompetent bunch. My rapid rise to top is assured.
4. My girlfriend is banned from entering your country. Hallelujah
   
5. Doctors have prescribed complete break from work
   

... I'm thinking of more

Help - WMD proliferate

Meetings, it almost enlightened me as to why the typical nerd was also supposed to be perpetually high on some or the other substance. How else could one survive the ordeal unless semi in Nirvana land?
Given the rapid proliferation of these ways of mass discomfort - WMD in corporate culture we the sanity lovers need to come up with ways to hit back. Having been in places where sometimes meetings were scheduled for over 8 hours and no this was not a sales department but the hardcore tech one, and even now where WMDs often demand over 5 hours on many working day per day, I've been thinking-(that too on a Monday. Yeah I know its not something that I have done in many years but frankly this is a crises scenario. As a result of moving those massive brain levers here are some caffeine empowered techniques that a (non PH)-B should implement to reduce the WMD quest of lessor minions.

1. Auction of meeting times. People are given certain amount of 'currency' to buy meeting minutes. A 10 minute meeting of 10 people? Sure that'll be 10*10=100/- currency. You can do without 5 or your original list, thought so too, hand out 5*10=50/-. You can do it in 5 min? sure that'll be 25/- plz.
2. And yeah, your last meeting overshot by 20 min. The attendees have had half the person rate times 20min deducted for spending time in meetings. System is auto-claiming their deduction from you. so you need to hand in that currency too.

Such an approach I'm sure will see a significant reduction in WMD proliferation. Then it may be possible for folks to actually get some time in the day to get the work they were supposed to get done done.

Neemhakim Prescribes....

1. The key to success is ...temptation
2. Money can buy most things but not happiness ... say those who don't really know how to spend money
3. You can be anybody if you try hard ... thanks but I'm happy being me
4. There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there is ... dad
5. When sh@#t hits the fan, its time to ... run out
6. If you never succeed in first attempt... charge your patients before the operation
7. Nothing succeeds like... procrastination

The linguistic frailities

This 'lie' word in English is kinky.
same word for lie - (veracity un-inclined) and lie (merely inclined). If I tell someone the only place I lie is in bed they give all sorts of mischievous winks while i wonder why do they find it funny?

What am I?

I somehow have this notion that religion in particular and a lot of philosophy in general is trying to find out what is death and what happens to us when it happens. There is this whole new arena opening up as a result of medical researches and as already been seen a lot of it is challenging our beliefs in life, soul and so on. Newsweek has this interesting article on reviving the dead. The article argues how death is not an event but a process (itself a rather interesting notion) and its a complex biochemical process.
We have talked of some of these earlier in a couple of posts, so here i talk about some deeper issues and in keeping with the random sanity theme a couple of more frivolous but immediate ideas.
Religion is a mess and theologians will have a lot more thinking to do. I did read an interesting comment on Slashdot that talked of an ego-less state mentioned in some Hindu and Buddhist philosophies. The ideas of mind and body living but the "I" having died. Interesting indeed. But its not something I have heard before (and I cannot by any stretch claim to be an informed source on these philosophies) so if its there it indeed is an interesting idea.
So maybe the next great career is going to be in philosophy. Poor flock distressed at the whole unravellings of thousands of years of life-death- back to God rigmarole suddenly trying to fathom the implications of dead not being an event. So are the last rites really a way to ensure that the "dead" are not able to come back to life? Imagine that, its rare enough not to make it practical for most to wait days on end before the hope is gone but happens so that there is this thought that the loved one may not be dead even tho it looks like it? lets not even get into the resurrection theme.
So philosophy will again be in demand with a whole new era opening with its fresh fodder for thought. On a more deeper level what really happens to the whole idea of "I". Where am I while I am frozen - dead but not dead waiting to come alive. Now we are arguing that the person is not dead because death is not an event. But then what if its a process (maybe reversible) and I am 30% dead. What am I then? If I came back to life and maybe 100% life not just 70% am I the same "I". If not who am I? Or what am I? Its a shift in cultural notions of the Quantum types. Like in physics - Newtonian which is easy to understand and now quantum and relativistic which baffles almost all of us. Well its only a matter of time before the same happens to other branches.
Then there are the whole host of associated issues. What is consciousness? If all life is essentially a result of coding of genes, and so is our information, can we really put it all in some computer and have the consciousness live forever? Will such a consciousness be as "real" as in a person? When I talk of "I" do I mean this consciousness? Most fundamentally what is "I"? Is there life after death? When does it begin? The near death experiences documented have sometimes people saying they saw light or something? But were they alive at a cellular level (which they should right) then is life not really cellular? If it is not, then how come I can revive before or during cellular death? Can I force soul back in the same body? Can a soul be forced? If yes is it really that important?

In other news scientists have cured fear it seems. I thought death was the greatest fear. It couldn't have come any later :).

ENews

I must say TV has gotten really entertaining of late. No I don't mean the soap operas. Let me clarify, I don't refer to the drama serials. Its the news that takes the cake.
Come Cricket World cup and we had this leading channel helpfully instructing us - this you see is the Indian restaurant where some of the Indian crickets came previous night to have dinner. Yuvi/Zaheer/x/y/z the names were rattled. They had Indian food, and the 'newsman' then rattled off each dish each of our cricket had. Yuvi order butter chicken with tandoori roti , 2 in nos. 37.21 gms of it was left. He had water in a tall glass which he held in his left hand at 11:21 pm and took 2 sips exactly 3 seconds apiece. While some of this is mere creative license, the fact that a leading 'news' channel has to rattle off what each player ate the night before in a restaurant speaks volumes for the kind of stuff we pass for news.
Similarly the recently celebrated "AbhiAsh' wedding. The media was not invited but decided to camp anyways. Well one can't fault them on dedication and page 3 is a money maker. Whether the entire paper should only be page 3 is an interesting question. I'm sure page 1 and 2 will have something to say and so might page 4, interesting though it be to have a paper with only 3 sides speaking in a mathematical sense.
So there is this 'reporter' who dutifully records the interesting fact that while the media is not invited, Mr Bacchan did send some water bottle and food for the campaigning throng. But the real interesting nugget came from the News anchor in the studio. He said it is good to see common decency in place. As if not giving food and water to uninvited trespasser is the new indecency!
I wonder if there is really a demand for such over saturated people worship? But then we are a nation of 840000000 Gods. Whats another 11 or 3 Gods more?

Another Toy

Got home to find a gorgeous new Nokia N80ie waiting for me at the porch! After a gloriously isolated month, Be prepared to be ignored by a always connected me.

Hiatus unhitched

Life of late has been hectic, interesting and depressing at the same time. Lots of things happening on my end and still hardly much happens. Ah lets chuck the life stories and talk of something interesting.
I have been blogging a while now. Most of it is mere recap of mundane or erratic wanderings of the mind, along with an occasional interesting idea. Today I just recount something that is supposed to be serious but came across as funny to us comic techies.
The company did a fire drill today, yippy. Last time this happened I remember I was good enough to grab a mug of tea before strolling out to the assembly area and watches the water games over glass buildings with interest while sipping tea and enjoying the winter sun.
This time however the timing caught me. Just before 12, a time when one starts thinking of lunch is not the best time to grab tea. So I had to venture out with no prop in sight. One thing I never did understand is that why with a wide road 30 ft from my building do I have to not take it and in fact traverse a 100m or so, going on the sides of potentially blazing buildings and go to a "high" area. Ne ways, whats to be done is to be done and there we were all out in a cramped lawn under a hot December sun (sun IS hot this December). Then the fun started.
The guy with the mike - yup there was one, i believe some security firm guy wielding it with the enthusiasm of a new poll fray entrant. The guy told us how God almighty is on our sides because we take precautions and how well trained the volunteers and he will now burn *sound drop* after sprinkling petrol and have it doused. Yeah we all wait to see him attempt some fire jumping stunt.
Did I tell earlier that the place was crowded. Yup checked, I did. So all i can see from my safe distance is a huge flame, sorry no one it it, maybe except few newspapers (i tell you TOI should improve its article quality). And then a huge column of fire retardant being sent up in space. Now why should the fire retardant be sent up when the flame is on the ground beats me, but then I am a mere software guy no security expert. Ah as it turns out nothing much there but then the mike comes alive.
There is a lot of commotion but a very emotional voice exhorting the crowd in the name of God almighty thanking God and invoking oaths in HIS name to fight oppression, tyranny and fire all over the world or something like it. Why God should come into it is again a bit thick to atheists like me but I did see some very enthusiastic crowd cheering God and clapping for the speaker. Then came the hose guys. I merely mean the fire hose wielding guys. Last time they washed my building clean but this time it was just a very confused 'why rains in the sun' tree. More clapping, disappointment at no one attempting a rain dance and more invocations to the God.
I have a hunch that it must be a going to poll in a God fearing town, VP of a firm, egged on my hoping for a raise subordinations who was wielding the mike. It was almost fun but for the sound drop outs. Imagine some serious guy hearing "put your finger in the socket, get electrocuted" where the beginning "don't" and the somewhere in the middle "and you might" were inaudible, taking this to be God's prophet's command went ahead and did it?. On the bright side I can do with Thursday off.
Anyways, it was getting too hot outside so at this point I troop back to the old seat.
I do think that 3:00 pm is the ideal time for such drills. Just the time of the day when one looks for excitement in life. Wonder what if there is an actual fire. Will people still troop so casually. Should we test our stampede preparedness by throwing in a few smoke cans next time we drill. That should come across as real fun.

Chronical of a weekend

There is never a dull moment in life when a bull is let loose! As it happens my Thunderbird is back with me and to celebrate the occasion LeChat and I decided to hit the roads. My knowledge of places around Pune is sketchy at best so the intrepid hiker LeChat is the navigator. Soon we find ourselves some small hamlet near Nilkantheshwar.
There is this nice little river murmuring by with rocks and all strategically placed for sitting with feet in water and hot day needed no better breaks.
after half an hour of nice talks and generally hunting for fishes in water we come back and the fun started. Apparently some kids (just a guess) thought that its fun to deflate both tires of a bullet in a God forsaken place with no hint of civilization nearby and promptly acted on the thought.
I know those Industrial age barons had the right idea in corralling those blighters in schools. It beats me why are they let out during day at all? So here we are no road on one side, a hill to climb on other and both tires flat.
Well I did hear a bike coming and the gentleman tells us, nope no repair shop nearby, best you can do is to get to Panshet which is the wrong side of the hill. LeChat true to form is clapping her hands in childlike glee - "Yippyy! We have an adventure ahead. Drag this beast on the hill my boy and we shall have the walk of our life!" I tell you sometimes I wish I had listened to what mom used to say about riding in woods with adventurous hikers for company!
So here we are, a shiny big bike next to us, walking up a hill for a couple of km and dragging the beast along. But we made it, only to realize that the shop which never closes is in fact closed today. Luckily someplace downhill has another shop. Wise to truant seeking shop keepers we decide to walk down first leaving the beast behind and check out on the repair shop's status. Ah luck has not completely deserted us, it is in fact open. Walk back, drag the bike along and finally we are there.
With all the dragging on dirt roads, the front tube valve body broke, the rear tyre did escape injury. I did tell you the kids couldn't really take all the air out there was just a hint of it left, otherwise dragging the bike would have been impossible. Well there is just one shop and too many pesky kids around, clearing the queue takes long. Sometime around 6, the gentleman does start working on the tyre. Took 1/2 hour to mend, shifting the valve and then adventure part duex starts. The gentleman has never worked on tyres with disc brakes before and reassembling ain't that straight forward. somewhere around 7:30 the tyre gets back, break is working and tyre seems to be doing its job. The intrepid explorers are back on track this time taking the road more explored back to Pune.
its a good hard drive for a long time and its nearly 8 when we hit Warje bang in the middle of a traffic jam and the gears start acting funny. But its a short drive and finally huffing and puffing we reach LeChat's abode. after the usual tootsie and cheerios with the family, the two of us decide to wrap up with some dinner nearby to celebrate our return on same day, hop back on bike. kick, start and the clutch wire breaks! So here we are, nearly at 10, all shops closed and no clutch. Well an old bike was commandeered and I am dropped off the nearest auto, packing food for self on the way. So an auto from Warje to Aundh.
Reach home uneventfully, just that the food could have done a lead role in Asian paints ad for sheer exuberance of colors. after picking up whatever looked edible I hit the sack.
Next morning I have to reach Hadapser to meet someone. So an auto ride from Aundh to Hadapsar. Okie met the gentleman and took an auto back to Warje from Hadapsar. Reached the bike and called the mechanic.
The overalls clad takes his sweet time and gets in around 7pm and starts dissembling the parts to replace the wire. A screw starts slipping. Okie dude now if you want my bike in your workshop - You drag it there. The dude does that and I hop into Lechat's limo and drive there. another 1/2 hr and now the dude tells me he needs to weld the screw and then take it out, no driver shall accomplish it on its own. The hitch? Guess? the welder has gone home! No option so I leave the bike and take an auto.
So an auto ride from Warje to Aundh. I get near Bremen Circle and the phone buzzes. LeChat giggling wildly! hello, I know I've been having an interesting weekend still some words would help. Ah it turns out once the shop closes, the mechanic decides to try again and the screw comes out clean! Still I am happy at least its gonna make morning commute better. So I return to Warje on the same auto, take the bike and finally home at 11 Pm.
So in total the weekend gist
1. 2Km drag of Bull mostly uphill
2. Auto from Warje to Aundh
3. Auto from Aundh to Hadapsar
4. Auto from Hadapsar to Warje
5. Auto from Warje to Aundh
6. Auto from Aundh to Warje.

And they all complaint that I do nothing on weekends!

ahem

Those who couldn't run away And one who did

Now normally having life's great plans gone awry usually makes for painful reading but ever once a while comes some specimen of God's own image to make even these chuckle-able.
While going through some old clips, came across these jams.
There was this dude in Devon who broke into an occupied house, collected booty and ran off with it in a ... give a guess... another try?.. a Wheelbarrow!. The owner alerted by a neighbour called in police who were too busy elsewhere to come quickly. The owner and his kids after waiting for 2 hours for police decided to chase the thief in their car and caught up with the gentleman still tootling along with the booty bearing barrow. I tell ya some men will always overestimate their sprinting speed

In other news, a German, punches in for directions to the nearest loo in his car satnav. The ever dutiful technoslave did what it does best and gave the directions. The rather hassled driver took the directions dutifully and drove the car right as per directions running over the portaloo! I'm impressed buddy by your satnav service, amazing accuracy.

There was this other one, sorry could find the link, where this gentleman from America ( :) ) called in cops to report some contraband stolen from his house! The cops came, took info and managed to even zero in the thief - a dealer this dope once went to get his dope!. Both were last reported to be in the cooler.

In others - This granny got a thief in such a grip the bugger was glad to see a police car come in!

This dude tried to rob a CCTV store`while the cameras were whirring away!!

Wonder how it feels to have a mugger return stuff to you because its too cheap for him to mug?

Once a while though the thieves do do better. In this case they just walked away with the entire surveillance system!

I think I'll start making a series of such chucklethons, the site can do with some extra traffic :)

The adventure sport

"Writing can be a dangerous activity" thus spake a headline in The Hindu. Well our dear lady- Ms Kiran Desai has the Man Booker and all is well with the world. I had read speculations that she will win it one day after her first novel came out and she has done it in very good time.
To those who scoff at this profound truth- of writing being an adventure sport, I merely say "Ha!". They apparently have never attended one of my impromptu poetry sessions I sometimes subject my worst enemies to. There is an almost divine sense of happiness on watching someone face contort with literary anguish when that someone is your arch non friend.
The latest Monkism is- You are either with me or you Will listen to me(Period) And there are plenty of masters around. Many of my top bosses are very fond of cracking humorous things in their often made speeches. Nothing quite as interesting as to see someone on stage mike in hand, crack a joke, look around with a telling pause while the audience decides the most appropriate response to the as yet unclear -is it a joke or something else- statement. Then some start crying, some laughing, some sombre; each as per own interpretation of the intent. When all dies down, I start laughing at the whole thing. Whack! come the immediate boss's feedback restoring peace.
And they say writing is an arm chair hobby *rubbing head*!

IgNobles

The 2006 Ig Noble are announced. These are among my favorites, Good clean fun year after year. Most of the academic life is so drab, always done with a stiff collar, that almost anything that can chuckle at academic research needs to be applauded.
There is no political angle to it, no slap stick, its fun poking at its best. Ig Nobles along with Stella awards are keenly awaited every year. In this super racing, serious world, these epitomizes the spirit of pausing and laughing it all off. There is also this predictable absurd guy who is good unclean fun ;)
Come to think of it there don't seem to be too many humorists around anymore. PG Wodehouse gone long time back, Douglas Adams is gone too, so is Harishankar Parsai, one of my favorite modern Hindi humorist. In such gloom, there are very few true works of humor emerging. I can think of the TV show- Whose line is it anyway, that was perhaps the best comedy show without being slapstick. Yes I know there is Friends and a few others which are also laugh riots but then their humor is more of very typical kind- political satire or Innuendo.
Maybe its all because of the social flux. Suddenly technology has transformed the world and maybe we are all too busy coming to terms with it all to really think of funny things. So the only creative fun around is what happens to others in courtrooms or science labs. Mercifully some nice souls have captured it all and by instituting an yearly prize, brought a smile on our lips.
Thankie dear fellas

Moon and poets

Just read a news that Moon has a bulge, yes people it has, and its been perplexing all of us for a while. No more, they have found out the reason. Something to do with violence and a 100 million year run.
I wonder how would people on saturn find the night sky, assumming there were people on Saturn and interested in finding the night sky. So they might find a permanent dustRingBow, and some 15 moons all vieying for attention. Poets there would go crazy. Imagine Shelley of earth who said "The moon arose up in the murky east\A white and shapeless mass" saying something like - The moons, Tethys and Calypso, followed by Enceladus and Epimetheus but not Rhea nor Janus, shiny orbs, a few too many and shaped in a dustRingBow- not quite the same ring.
And Saturn kids couldn't play I-Spy-You in dark, with 15 moons, darkness would be a luxury. I shudder to think of plight, of folks in parks. Heck if I were I Saturn kid, I'd hate my geography lessons too. Maybe Golgafrincham's rocket scientists took mercy on the TV Producers and ad executives and crashed it specifically on a planet with 1 moon and only 1 moon.

Spam Art

Sometimes I wonder if all those whacko humor novels were not whacko enough. Reality catches up with them all the time.
There is this gentleman who got an idea about creating art from spam.
From the article- "Now he's working on a software agent that can "write" experimental graphical novels based on a melange of text culled from thousands of like-minded blogs across the Net. When finished, the agent, called Blogbot, ... extracts meaning from the text..."
I wish the agent were called blogMonkeys. That ways we could actually have a million monkeys one day writing a Hemlet. Priceless!

Monday Blues

It is an unwritten rule that if I get out without wearing a raincoat, it rains. Just the other day I had it with me- not wearing-, and there was a sudden downpour, I quickly parked the bike, got the stuff on and it stopped raining as suddenly.
Well professional hazards of being the rain God.
Today, again it was sunny when I got to the bike, so I keep the raincoat in the storage. By the time I come out of the basement parking, it was all overcast, no hint of sun. However, I continued, being in no mood to stop and wear the raincoat.
It didn’t rain, throughout the whole 20 min drive. Which goes on to prove that even the clouds don't wanna play on a Monday morning.