Pune traffic Axioms

1. Vehicles in left most lanes will turn right 80% of times
2. Vehicles in right most lanes will turn left 80% of times
3. 70% of times you will find a vehicle coming onto you when lights are green for you.
4. Traffic cops are mostly bystanders
5. You will get challan'd by a cop only if you stop for him.
6. Concrete road dividers if more than 6 inches high will have people standing on it to come across your vehicle
7. Concrete road dividers less than 6 inches high will have both bikes and people standing on it to come across ur vehicle
8. Any one way bridge will have at least 1 vehicle coming from the wrong direction.
Corollary: Every one way road has traffic in both directions.
Corollary 2: If a 1 way road has only a single vehicle plying, its coming the wrong way.
9. A railway crossing will have vehicles facing the crossing on both the incoming and oncoming lanes on both sides of the crossing
10. Bikes overtaking you will cross over straight in front and will then immediately brake (30% probability).
11. Any road more than a lane wide at a crossing will have only 1 lane available after the crossing. Vehicles from the other roads will occupy the rest of the lanes while waiting the signal to go green. Corollary: at least 10% of vehicles waiting in other roads will get in the cross way while its our turn to cross.
12. People who refuse to be late by 3 seconds by being behind the vehicle standing at a red light (or a railway crossing) will happily spend 15 minutes in a jam created by their being stuck in the oncoming traffic.
13. Bus stops are merely location indicator. You have to stand in the front 2 lanes to actually wait for the bus.

In other news Indian army is planning to introduce an upgraded anti-insurgency course. To train its commandos in the art of always being alert and on lookout, batches of them will be given bikes and let loose on Pune roads. They have to clock minimum 100km of ride everyday. The program is believed to impart that crucial edge of operating in civilian situations with minimum collateral damage while being fully ready for avoiding enemies out to kill you.